Safe
Nancy used to try to push me or lightly
punch me like a speed bag. She was amusing at 120 pounds her
thin-framed force wasn’t threatening, even if she had been serious.
I laughed at her efforts I weighed nearly twice her weight, and have
a solid thick frame not easily moved. No one ever called me skinny,
even when I was in excellent condition. This mock fighting was in no
way a threat, I have to act differently; I can’t simply bang back
into her like a football teammate. Nancy pretends she is holding
back for my safety. Says she will not body slam me like a WWE
wrestler. I just give her my preposterously amused smile.
I know as she travels to different places Nancy is always eager to come home. We enjoy being home together. Even though we spend many nights apart we feel safe with each other, and even safer when we are together. Even though feeling safe implies trust, there is one destination Nancy doesn’t feel safe to take me. She often offers to have me accompany her to a convention. Our vacations often revolve around a conference she has somewhere. I look up interesting stuff, usually for me historical sites during the conference and then we take a couple of days together before coming home. Even though I have traveled with her to many locations she has never offered to take him to New Orleans and Bourbon Street. She has had the opportunity more than once, but where I am thinking jazz and gumbo, I think she is thinking strip clubs and all those beads. There seems to be certain levels of safety we haven’t reached.
Describe a time you felt especially safe with your spouse, and when you have felt vulnerable. How did it feel to feel safe? To feel vulnerable and uncertain?
