Marriage Preservation
September 9, 2017
Aged or Pickled
Nancy asked me, “Do you want me to search for a lesson for marriage encounter? I know you will have the pancake breakfast in the morning. Maybe, you won’t have time to write one.”
I do usually write the lesson when we host, which on rare occasions is a good thing. I really wasn’t aware of the upcoming core group. I tend to focus on one thing at a time.
I replied, “I don’t believe I have anything to reflect on. Maybe you should.”
Nancy then rejoined, “Is our marriage so old, you have nothing to say?”
I replied, “Yes, maybe it is pickled.”
“Pickled! Maybe aged and seasoned.” She said jokingly.
I asked, “You didn’t like the sound of pickled?”
We then joked about how our marriage had aged, like a fine wine. Did we have hints of oak and cherry? Just for reference Nancy is not much of wine connoisseur. If she has a glass of Riesling or Moscato she doesn’t usually finish it. We have laughed while reading the descriptions on the wine lists. We are not the types who can detect the notes of aurora borealis in a vintage or other pretentious things. We are grounded. As we stay on course, like a threatening hurricane, we should celebrate our 35th anniversary this April. To us, it seems rather matter of course. Younger people often react as if this is some amazing milestone.
Our joking got me to thinking about our marriage and preserving it. Pickling, fermenting, salting, curing, drying, or canning were all methods of preservation. In our grandparents time planning to have fresh strawberries for Valentine’s Day would have been incomprehensible. Today with modern transportation and refrigeration we tend to forget about preserving things, putting stuff up, or filling our pantries for winter and spring. Do houses even have pantries, now? Preserving something isn’t putting it in a hermetically sealed vault like a museum, nor is it some misguided mummification. No, preserving served the purpose of providing nourishing foods when needed. It was about always having something good available for a later time. If marriage is to remain vital, then it needs preservation. No one can seal up the wedding day in an archive to be kept at museum quality. Nor, are we wrinkled mummies oddly reflecting the time when our marriage was really alive. Marriages do reach anniversaries twice the length of time as ours. A long marriage does require a little preservation.
Each person will travel a road with ups and downs. A couple is on a
shared journey, but they are not always on the same path. If you want
your marriage to be vital even as the decades add up, you need to put
some things in the virtual pantry. Yes, preserve a little love, but
love is an aspect of marriage that does age and season. It can grow
richer, but to be fully enjoyed at a later date it needs some
additives. In the love jar add kindness, humor, empathy, and joy
before canning. You wouldn’t can fruit without sugar or pickles
without spice. Store away some memories keep them bright and colorful,
add a touch of zing and zest. Preserve relationships even if distance
keeps you away, being able to reconnect with family and friends adds
meaning to those passing years. Find a way to salt away simple decency
and respect for each other; it will bring out the flavor even in the
most difficult of times. My last piece of advice for your virtual
pantry is this, do not put the good things away and forget them, or
never find a time to open them up and use them. Do not end your life
with those good wedding gifts still carefully wrapped in their gift
boxes. Plan to use the goodness you have preserved from this season
with just a little leftover, for there is another season coming.
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We are beings of the moment, a pale reflection of the Eternal.
Many professing spiritual gifts and salvation, find not the kernel,
but live in the hull of the moment.
The future holds light and health for all creation. The path is
narrow; many are stumbling stones blinded in the moment. Lose not the
vision, step out in the darkness.
