Forgottonia Arise
Somewhere near the Spoon River
“When in the Course of human events, it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another, … , a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.”
Let us therefore declare the cause of this call for separation. Illinois’ dysfunctional government compels the people of Forgottonia to once again seek redress for our aggrieved condition. The people of Forgottonia are a hard working practical people, who seek only to guarantee the welfare, education, and a measure of sanity for our people. We are therefore compelled to once again assert our right of self government as specified in the Northwest Ordinance of 1787. When a people find themselves in a lawless state because of the fecklessness of their prescribed government it is incumbent, in fact a duty to God and their region to demand redress. We declare our inherent rights as Forgottonians to do what ought to be done, do the most good we can, and do it until the task is complete. We therefore demand separation from our beloved State of Illinois and request admittance to United States of America as the fifty -first state in our Union or the 52nd if Puerto Rico gets in ahead of us.
OK there are no statues of preganant pioneer women looking west, but you get the idea -- Sacagawea
Now, I suppose there are many out there who would tell us, you can’t be a state. Forgottonia is too small. I would point out; we would not be the smallest state in geographic area. Although, our population lags behind even Wyoming I will suggest strategies to correct that issue. Many of you have likely never heard of Forgottonia that is inherent in its name. Picture the shape of the state of Illinois. We are not one of the boring ones such as Colorado or Wyoming. Our western border is the Mississippi River. Imagine Illinois as a pregnant woman standing, facing to the West, with her hand-raised to shield her eyes. As she gazes with wonder at the Western expanse, wonder as in wondering what would ever possess a person with any sense to move out there, you will notice her distended abdomen. Forgottonia in this image of a woman with child is the baby bump. Yes, it is time for the baby to start a launch countdown.
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Atlas IL in southern Forgottonia -- sometimes there is only so much sign & so few letters
Skeptics may question our ability to survive as a free and independent state. I can assure you we wouldn’t starve. We would have to, can, some things to get by through the winter. We believe in trade, so in spite of Trump, our relationships with Canada and Mexico would assure us maple syrup for our oatmeal and avocados for our avocado toast. We could seek a separate deal with Costa Rica for coffee, but it seems simpler just to continue to stop at the Starbucks inside the Hy Vee. We would not lack general merchandise stores for trade, four of Farm King’s six locations are within the bounds of Forgottonia. We could consider the annexation of a couple of counties from Southeast Iowa and one or two from Northeast Missouri. Pike county already shares a name with its neighbor, so why not a government. There would be tremendous advantages for the Iowans; they could stop apologizing for Congressman Steve King. Forgottonia raises some of the finest cantaloupes in the US, and we do not need them associated with xenophobia. I know they are tired of saying they do not understand Western Iowa or Joni Ernst. They could have a future where no child of theirs has to wear bread bags for boots.
Even without our fellow river brethren breaking away to join us I believe we can get along, tolerably, without the fancy urban centers of our state. We could maintain a few primary links. IL 336 would become an Interstate, gaining us a higher percentage of federal support. Most of our residents cruise along in pickup trucks at speeds sometimes exceeding 40 miles an hour. We do not need extensive or expensive road systems. I think an excise tax on all things hunting, fishing, and camo should adequately enhance the revenue stream. If needed, we could include 4 wheelers in our excise tax. 4 wheelers make up a third of the road traffic in some areas. As a state we would be forgotten no more.
An Illionoisian from birth until graduation from Eureka College Saint Ronny
Forgottonia is a lousy name for a state. We should honor a past president connected with Illinois. We could choose Lincoln, Grant, or Obama. No one knows history anymore and Springfield has the Lincoln thing locked up. I think we should focus on the more modern presidents. Being the state of Obama may sound odd, and would attract those dirty libruls who might leave their zombie infested urban wastelands. No we should be the state of Reagan. Imagine the attraction to those misty eyed worshipers of Saint Ronald. Think of the out of state investment that would come flooding in. Forgottonia could develop, I mean give away tax dollars to a private corporation, to build an overpriced Reagan theme park. Maybe upriver from the Nauvoo historic site run by the Mormons. They have rebuilt the original temple and many of the 1840’s businesses and dwellings. The Mormons run a theater presentation every summer called a pageant. It is just like the Book of Mormon. Most Mormons loved Ronald Reagan. This would make Forgottonia a two for one trip. I think Niota would be a great site. It is in a flood plain many opportunities for developers to find undervalued land, and then turn a profitable deal, letting some one else hold the risk. Imagine young Reagan lookalikes portraying lifeguards. These young Reagans would be posed for action as parents eagerly toss kids to sink or swim in the river. The theme park should include an exhibit of Reagan, sledgehammer in hand, tearing down that wall. A heroic sculpture just like Lincoln the rail-splitter would bring retinues to pay homage. Other recreations of President Reagan could include the time he sent Slim Pickens to bomb the Soviet Union. You may question the historical accuracy of such exhibits; Reagan himself commonly mixed Hollywood plots with history in his speeches. Consider the success of that ark in Kentucky with the dinosaurs passively corralled inside it. It would be the biggest thing in Niota; it has been decades since the restaurant famed for fried catfish closed. After that it was the 1993 flood, maybe building an ark at the theme park would be a good idea.
Oh the stupidity - open your mind to a greater God
Tenderloin at Spoonies London Mills IL
If we Forgottonians would get up from our plates of ginormous tenderloins and French fries and demand our independence, we could become the state of Reagan. We would have two U.S. Senators and one delegate to the House of Representatives, giving our under populated and underrepresented region more clout. We could free ourselves of the power hungry politicians in Springfield, actually in Chicago. They only visit Springfield. There would be no power hungry politicians in Forgottonia, no one is hungry after eating anyplace in Forgottonia. I call on all Forgottonians to again capture the spirit of rebellion. Our protests ran rampant throughout the hills and hollers of Forgottonia in the 60’s and 70’s (1960’s not 1860’s). In actuality, the protest was only in the halls of the Macomb Chamber of Commerce. Rise up Forgottonians, ye salt of the Earth, ye long forgotten. Pledge your lives, fortunes, and sacred honor to a new freedom. OK, admittedly most Forgottians are old, not young. Our fortunes are found more in the ability to hop on a 4 wheeler and be freezing in deer blind in less than ten minutes. Many lost any honor, sacred or profane, when they voted for Trump. Let me appeal in the words of Trump. Unite for independence Forgottonians, whata you got to lose?
Forgottonia is a place where you can endlessly wander the lonely roads, and never once miss the fast lane. The name Forgottonia captures an image of a region, off the beaten path, which is very true of Western Illinois.
South Henderson early chuch in Henderson County
