Fitness and foolish stubborness combined for an awakening in a predawn beach walk run
Helen Loomis and Bill Forrester
Chapter 44
Carol and Karen continue to search and listen to life
Before the winter fire,
We'll still be dreaming.
I do not count the time
Who knows where the time goes?
Who knows where the time goes?
Sandy Denny – Who Knows Where the Time Goes Judy Collins Who Know Where the Time Goes
Helen Loomis and Bill Forrester
“I’ve come to know you friend. What are you pondering, it must be a dramatic life decision the way your nose is wrinkled in thought?”
“I’m glad we take these moments at the end of the afternoon. A later than teatime pause, and better than tea, we have wine.”
“When I was vagabonding, we thought Boone’s Farm Apple Wine was so great. Now the wine is better, but at that time I would have chosen the Boone’s Farm."
“Boone’s Farm must have given you headaches, we are responsible sophisticated drinkers.”
“Sophisticated? Social drinking is promoted more than necessary and has become a little too common now. People do downplay the harm of alcohol and exaggerate its benefits. All aspects of life are a delicate balance. We wobble between licentiousness and puritanical prohibitions. I enjoy listening to you as we watch sunsets.”
“I have been thinking about priorities, responsibilities, and purpose.”
“Growing up, life looming around the corner ready to pounce. No one orders you to walk around the corner.”
“I’ve had a great summer, but school starts soon. I’m thinking, why am I in school, what should I accomplish in life? Madison sees school as a path to earning a living. Skills to acquire that will reward her, help her survive life. What am I doing there besides doing what people expect?”
“You seem to enjoy school. You take your courses seriously; college would seem to be a good use of your time?”
“It may be. Am I just getting a degree a resume place holder? Is there a purpose? Is a degree a must see on the paper trail of my life? Everything needs to change, and I see no path to change it.”
“None of us individually feel we are powerful, but we can be allies in change. People may vote once but often pay no attention to local elections. People seem to lose concentration, too many of us have the attention span of a one year old”
“Carol you came here created a business, many people have lives here because of you. The people I’ve met this summer love living out here in the country. Many have said without Parker Produce it wouldn’t be possible for them to live here. “
“I’ve worked hard. I’ve been lucky when we took risks, we didn’t have a drought or other disastrous event immediately. Once we digested the risk of loans and learning new skills; we were in position to weather the storms. I work with great people.”
“You made it on your own, not on your privilege.”
“I had privilege. My family had this farm, my father decided to buyout the other two thirds. As much as I had to make a go of it on my own, as a woman in the male farm world, I was a Parker. My family had been farming here for over one hundred years. Privilege doesn’t make it an easy road, but it gives someone a path other people don’t have. “
“I have been thinking about privilege as I went to college and during my Covid isolation. How did you spend Covid isolation?”
“My friend Shelly called, and she drove here. There hadn’t been any cases here at the time. Chicago and other urban places were really set to become hot spots. We had a nice spring together. As soon as tests became available, we insisted every employee get tested including me. There were many problems in Midwest meat processing plants. We didn’t have any positives and we offered tests for the community. We never had any cases here in Franklin or at our other location in New Harmony. “
“I spent Covid isolation on Dad’s yacht. The college closed Madison went home to her family. Her mother lost her job; her father worked on limited hours. Madison began a delivery business to help bring in more income. Dad wasn’t a jerk about it; he tried to take care of his crew. The Captain brought his spouse who is one of the funniest men I ever been around. The three other crew brought their families two of them have kids. Dad’s current girlfriend came along. Everyone was tested. Wealth gets a test even when they are limited. We were very careful when docking and getting fresh produce. The families loved it. I spent a great deal of time playing with the kids and helping with schoolwork. Yes, there is Internet on the yacht. Madison went to work hustling food and groceries while exposing herself to Covid. I went on a Covid-free cruise. We had just gotten back; I was hanging in Dad’s Condo thinking about privilege when all the demonstrations for social justice occurred. “
“When did you or Madison choose to be born to your parents?”
“I know it’s not like we choose.”
“It is what we choose after we become aware, we have choices. It is good to be serious, but don’t take on blame for what others chose. We all benefit from acts that deprived others. Native Americans once roamed over these lands. Creating villages and a culture, but not the landowning culture that we live in. We in the North did not have slaves, but we didn’t care enough to insist on enforcing laws after the Civil War. We didn’t care enough about people of other races to demand fairness or an end to discrimination. We all share equally in benefits from the deprivation of others. Our responsibility is to share equally in working towards a better future. I have little sympathy for the tradition of poverty and begging like a Buddhist. I believe in practical ways to improve lives not some transference of karma points.”
“The security guard in Seattle sent me back up to learn something. I did; I had no idea how violent we had been in America. Massacres cheered on by White people who controlled everything including the history books. He was retired Air Force and was called Sarge. I learned so much from the books he recommended. He said people in my position who were informed could do more, than being another body in the street protests.”
“I never loved history like my sons or Mark Greene did, but when I get interested in a topic, I do inform myself. Mark Greene gave me an eye-opening recounting of Reconstruction years ago. I guided both Shiloh and Brent to the topic in high school history. It is such a depressing history; I have trouble learning about it. I keep throwing the book down.”
“Knowledge helps, it does allow me to better understand what must change. I suppose you could, sell your business. Do you see your business as a force for good?”
"We’ve been approached many times by the heartless MBA crowd or the buzzards of Wall Street. They want us to pay them to make us more efficient. They want us to go public. They want to simply buy us. What they want is to buy our market share, our smooth web platform, the ability to raid our pension accounts, to make our employee contracts more efficient, to fill our product lines with cheaper lower quality products or imported products. All their offers would shift our value from customers and employees to soulless stockholders. They want to steal wealth from the land and give it to a few. I try to use my privilege to do good things for my people. I know I can’t solve all problems, but I do right by my people. Selling everything and giving it all to charities would do far less and not last a lifetime. You have time to seriously look at what you could do to build better lives for people. When you have found your vision, your privilege may allow you the resources to pursue it; do not dismiss that as anything other than a good.”
“Doing good in the world seems only to be blocked or turned to graft. People are so corrupt.”
“Trump Republicans were parasites, but they were never the majority of America. Conservative pundits try to portray people as socialists, liberals, or Dimocrats always using pejorativing labels to attack without the need of annoying substance or facts. They then use their toxic labels to demean people, accuse working people of being envious of the rich, hostile to the successful, simply dismissive of hard work. Some rich people worked hard, but not all. People want respect, people want opportunity, people just want to provide for their families. Families need homes, healthcare, and education. Our government and our businesses must serve the public good, that is not socialism. It is American democracy and capitalism. I’m sorry to lecture, you might think I was Mark Greene. You need not throw away your privilege. You must acknowledge it, use it for a good purpose. Always, always know everyone wants to feel respected, they want to be useful, and they want to help you as much as you want to help them.”
“Carol you are a thoughtful person, very deep, and astute.”
“It comes from living an isolated life. Also, from having taken some long historical tours with Mark Greene all those years ago.”
“You think I should finish my degree?”
“If you can find classes that allow you to learn and widen your perspective, yes. Change schools if you feel you need to. There are many knowledgeable people who are aware of many other knowledgeable people there is much to learn. If you find your vision do not be afraid to quit, you are not going to starve whether you finish degrees or not. “
“I met the Greene Farm crew; they were nice enough but didn’t seem to be lecturers on history and American culture. They seem not much like the Mark Greene you are telling me about”
" I have trusted you as a friend and now I have fewer secrets to try and hide behind. The Greene’s you met are Mark’s cousins. What have you learned of Mark Greene?”
“Here is the Mark Greene I have discovered. Mark is Max’s son your long-time neighbor and farm partner. Mark still advises to the State Department has a PhD, is an author, and does guest lectures. He was back living at home helping his father before finishing the doctorate and working for the Foreign Service. He especially liked going to Civil War battlefields. You loved going to Shiloh. You named your son Shiloh because it means peace. You felt deep feelings when you were there. On the long drive with Mark you earned a master’s degree in the development of American society.”
“Once you learn a few things, it opens an unending curiosity especially with someone like Mark.”
“It sounds dull, but I’m not judging. Maybe you should have married Mark.”
Carol paused and her nose wrinkled before she answered, “I have another book of stories. They are the most personal ones. I will share them with you after I feel your soul has opened to the spirit of the land more. These stories are not a house without drapes they display me on a prominent hill like a Greek sculpture. I call the book of stories Null Stillness. You have learned silence is not silent. When you are still and silence yourself you hear. Null is not empty, if you achieve null-ness; it is filled. I couldn’t marry Mark. He needed to leave Franklin to pursue his calling and mine was here."
"Many people live apart as their jobs demand and come together when they can?"
"Did that work for your father?"
"No, but you are different people."
"We were but on different trains headed for different destinations.Have you ever read a novel by Ray Bradbury called Dandelion Wine?”
“No”
“He wrote science fiction. Someone had left shelves filled with paperback books in the house where I lived when I was working at the college. Asimov, Heinlein, Zelazny, Clarke, Ellison, LeQuin were all on the bookshelves. I got a paying job, while taking classes. It was the first step in running away from my runaway life. I began reading them before I went to sleep. In Bradbury’s book two people fall in love but they are two generations apart. They are in different time streams interacting by happenstance. Mark and I were in different time streams. He grew up here and had to leave to become himself. I grew up in Chicago and had to come here to become myself. Our time streams just intersected by a quirk, a happenstance. Besides all those hostages would likely be dead if he weren’t there with all his skills of diplomacy.”
“That sounds like a story.”
“It is but not now. No more about Mark, let’s just enjoy the sunset.”
“I should go finish a year at school, but could I leave my things here? I want to come back on holidays and next summer. Could I make this my home like I was your daughter at college?”
“Yes, I have enjoyed you. You and Madison worked so hard it made my daily life easier, but you already have a mother.”
“I do have a mother, but I do not have a home. This is the home I’ve needed all my life.”
“I have two sons; a daughter would be nice. Also, you are beyond the teen angst years. I think you are offering the best years of your life.”
“Thank you, It is amazing to sit and watch the colors change. I could do this every night. I am at peace with whatever my course in life should be. I do not have to decide. I can simply enjoy now.”
“I do sometimes sit out here when the weather is too cold, I slip on a coat and sip on hot tea. Winter has an intense and extraordinary beauty."
Lynne Jensen
