Awakening
CPAC in its death throes
February 24, 2018
I have often experienced awakening from a sleep of the dead. I come to consciousness with a startle response. I do not at first know where I am, maybe even who I am. I become aware I’ve been asleep, possibly for hours, maybe even days. I must admit this sometimes happens when I am on my couch reading and watching television (signs of age and senility). Most often I am in bed and my feeling of having been asleep forever is dispelled by the clock indicating I have been asleep for an hour or two, maybe even less than an hour. Unlike the morning where I have a mixed dream state slowly becoming aware of my surroundings. Real world activities all seep into my sleep, the creep of dawn, the haunting wail of a distant train, or a neighbor’s noisy truck. (A man who doesn’t even work anymore, but still fires up at 4 AM.) This startled abrupt awakening is the experience of coming into consciousness from nonexistence. Often a plot device for drama; someone comes out of a coma is then told who they are, where they are, what they did, but we are left with a mystery maybe they are lying. When we wake with this startle response we need a moment to adjust test our sensations and thoughts. Am I awake, am I dreaming? Somewhat like the Talking Heads song, Once in a Lifetime, “And you may find yourself in a beautiful house, with a beautiful wife. And you may ask yourself, "Well... how did I get here?"“
Talking Heads David Byrne
There is another mental state or transition of consciousness I have experienced more rarely. I will call it an awakening realization. It is far more scary and traumatic because it only occurs, not in dreams or sleepy consciousness, but in the full light of day. It occurs when the foundations of the everyday, the reality you guide your thoughts and actions by, are undermined or destroyed. It may be the result of obsession when someone chases a dream to a point of delusion. Maybe a teen convinced if they can just meet their idol this fabulous celebrity person will instantly see the missing link in their life. The obsession could be the pursuit of status, power, and wealth. It could be an addiction that has brought someone to the point of desolation. It could be like the Nobel Prize winning mathematician in A Beautiful Mind a world of delusion so real, hallucination and actuality are blurred. Whenever an awakening realization occurs it is not a good day for the one experiencing it. Wasn’t John Nash’s (played by Russel Crowe) hallucinated world more exciting than teaching economics and math. He drew together elaborate conspiracies, CIA plots, and mysterious people. His brilliant mind was required and needed, problems only he could solve. Reality must have been accepting something less. People pursue dreams all their lives to see it come to dust, their sacrifices of real and affirming lives for material baubles. In the end we see emptiness and loneliness in a person who is surrounded by the uncaring people without any connection. People on the outside may anticipate another’s awakening, but the obsessive mind has its own timetable.
A Beuatiful Mind --- Russell Crowe
"When I walked in today, did anyone ever hear me do the snake during the campaign? Because I had five people outside say, could you do the snake? I said, well, people have heard it. Who hasn’t heard the snake? You should read it anyway. Let’s do it anyway. I’ll do it. Okay. Should we do it?" President Trump at CPAC
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